I mentioned in my goal assessment that I failed at purging all the negative thoughts from my brain... but I did not elaborate... and I believe it is CONFESSION time.
I am negative. I know you think I am positive. I do *try* to be positive. But like it or not... I see a glass half empty and not only half empty... but I wonder why you got more than I got. Did someone drink out of my glass? Do they like me least? And like every-other-child, I blame it on my childhood. ;-).
Literally, at mile 1.5 as TG and Tonia were slowly pulling away from me, the negativity started:
Its toooo hot.
I should have ditched one layer.
My feet hurt.
Wow, my legs are tight.
Why does my stomach feel like crap?
I suck.
I am not going to keep up.
I am not going to finish.
Hey, are they really running 8:30 pace?
Why are the hills starting already, I thought it was mile 5?
And so on. Yeah... at mile 1.5. Can you imagine what I was thinking at mile 11.5? It wasn't pretty. I even read a book about training your mind and not a SINGLE thought crossed my mind until mile 11.5. Why? And as soon as I remember something... I would defeat the advice by countering it.
And Sunday, while teaching Sunday School to 6th-8th graders, it dawned on me, I never even asked God for help. YIKES! Why on earth did I not go into prayer at the first sign of distress? I even have bible verses on my RoadID (since I have no allergies) and I never read them.
So, even if my legs were feeling super... mentally, I was defeating myself before I even started. I got to get this is check. My legs have been prepared for Richmond. My heart is in it. My spirit is ready.
My brain - NOT SO MUCH!
3 comments:
Wow! I really feel for you on that one. It is true that when we turn it over and give thanks for the ability to do XYZ, our outcomes are in such better hands! Reach down and pull up that faith. You know you've got it because no matter who might start "pulling away" from you in your race/run He is still there. You just have to remember to let Him lead.
Experience is a great teacher! You just need to continue to work on eliminating the negative. That's why they call it 'practice'.....
These things just take a lot of time and experience and even runners with a ton of experience go through this stuff when things aren't going well. Have you ever read the book by Matt Fitzgerald called: Brain Training for Runners ??? Excellent, excellent book!! Really helped me overcome some of my negative thoughts when things get tough in a race.
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