I mentioned in my goal assessment that I failed at purging all the negative thoughts from my brain... but I did not elaborate... and I believe it is CONFESSION time.
I am negative. I know you think I am positive. I do *try* to be positive. But like it or not... I see a glass half empty and not only half empty... but I wonder why you got more than I got. Did someone drink out of my glass? Do they like me least? And like every-other-child, I blame it on my childhood. ;-).
Literally, at mile 1.5 as TG and Tonia were slowly pulling away from me, the negativity started:
Its toooo hot.
I should have ditched one layer.
My feet hurt.
Wow, my legs are tight.
Why does my stomach feel like crap?
I am not going to keep up.
I am not going to finish.
Hey, are they really running 8:30 pace?
Why are the hills starting already, I thought it was mile 5?
And so on. Yeah... at mile 1.5. Can you imagine what I was thinking at mile 11.5? It wasn't pretty. I even read a book about training your mind and not a SINGLE thought crossed my mind until mile 11.5. Why? And as soon as I remember something... I would defeat the advice by countering it.
And Sunday, while teaching Sunday School to 6th-8th graders, it dawned on me, I never even asked God for help. YIKES! Why on earth did I not go into prayer at the first sign of distress? I even have bible verses on my RoadID (since I have no allergies) and I never read them.
So, even if my legs were feeling super... mentally, I was defeating myself before I even started. I got to get this is check. My legs have been prepared for Richmond. My heart is in it. My spirit is ready.
My brain - NOT SO MUCH!