John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." NIV

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Three Thankful Thoughts

I can see what I lost some followers. A "skinny" girl complaining about her Body Fat %... yeah, not very motivating there, huh? I really did want to delete those posts after I thought about it. But this is real life. This is what prior overweight people go through still. As much as I would like to be happy with the way I look and feel, sometimes, I am not.

I am thankful for:

1. Support - I am thankful that I have a husband who watches the kids while I run and even comes out to a few races. I am thankful that my children for the most part like to ask about my runs: "How far are you running today?" "Did you win?" "Who are you running with today?" "Are you only running 12 today?"

I am thankful that I have bloggy friends that are not afraid to tell me when I am crazy or insane or who genuinely care about me. Some of you expressed concerns to me privately and I appreciate it. I am thankful that I have running partners in Bob and TriGuy that can give me tough love too. I am thankful that I have a sister that will say with all sincerity: "You've turned into THAT girl... who is never satisfied!"

Sometimes tough love is what really hits home.

2. Physical Strength - My favorite part of my weight loss has to do with feeling strong. I like that I have muscles now. Not just that I can see my muscles, but that I can feel my strength through them. I am not talking about lifting weights because I don't do heavy lifting, but because of the every day things that I do that I couldn't before. Ex: Carrying a clothes basket full of clothes down two flights of stairs instead of praying for a laundry chute. Lifting both of my kids up at the same time, just because. Helping my husband lift a log into the back of our truck (remember, he is still cutting down that tree). Not being fatigued after a 12 miler or a fast 5 miler.

3. Mental Strength - Losing weight and keeping it off is all mental. I think I am more proud of this than anything number loss on the scale. I have come so far. From a lot of: I can'ts and I won'ts to I CAN and I WILL and even I HAVE. I am most thankful for this. I feel so mentally strong that I CAN eat a little bacon and cheeseburger from 5 Guys once a week and be COMPLETELY okay with it.

Getting it right in my head was the hardest part too and as evidenced from my last two blog posts, I still struggle with this. I pray one day, I won't have to struggle with this, that it will become second nature - but until then, I appreciate the support.

----

I know that I have disappointed some of you. I am more disappointed in me. But there is NO sense in continuing to dwell on my mistakes - probably how I became over weight in the first place.

I am a runner, a MARATHONER and soon to be Triathlete. I will not get to the finish line by whining and complaining but with strength, determination, and support! Those of you who left, maybe you can trust me to come back one day. I cannot promise it is all roses and sunshine, but I can promise you REAL life struggles, accomplishments, disappointments, and a little insanity!

13 comments:

Caratunk Girl said...

I think keeping it real is what it is all about - don't change a thing! It always sucks to lose some followers, I am not sure how it happens, or why really. Anyway, I think that things can't always be all happy happy and your concerns are your concerns. Be proud of all you accomplished, and keep lookign forward. Good luck with training!

TMB @ RACING WITH BABES said...

Personally, I appreciate your honesty. You have accomplished so much and should be proud of that, but I completely understand where you were/are at. Having lost so much weight can mess with your head. I almost always am unsatisfied with my body even though it's a million times better than where I used to be. Sometimes it's hard to gain that perspective.

*~* *~* Tracy said...

I too appreciate your honesty. Very few of us are completely satisfied with how we look...a big part of that is media influence. But it doesn't minimize the fact that it's something
you are struggling with.

I want to lose 20 pounds. To someone who wants to lose 150 pounds, that 20 could sound trivial or vain - to them - but it's important to me.

You have nothing to be dissapointed about. You have worked very hard to accomplish what you have, and you should be *very* proud of that.

momof3 said...

Friend, it's your blog. You write what YOU want to write. I am proud of you, and think you should write whatever is on your mind whenever you want. If you lose followers over a post about body fat, well, that's got NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. We love you. We support you. We covet your body fat %age. I never do this. It's not my thing... but I'm sending you... a virtual ((HUG)).

You're now on a very short list of people who have been Virtually Hugged by G.

proudpatriot07 said...

Geez, I can't believe people actually stopped following you because of the body fat deal. It's your blog- let them go if they're going to be like that.

At my heaviest, I was considered overweight. It's definitely hard to deal with numbers, so I feel ya there. As much as I hate to say it, when you lose weight, something changes you inside. I'm about 30 pounds lighter than I was when I graduated high school, which I know is not a lot compared to some, but I'm barely 5 feet tall. I try to focus on what my body can do rather than any number, but that's truly hard for everyone, not just you. Sorry those followers didn't understand that.

A.L.

Trish said...

Post what you feel, who you are, and be honest about it. That's what I love about your blog. You are open with your heart. Thank you!

Angie Bee said...

I wish you the best. I must admit that its hard to see someone working so hard and then complain about a body percent # that seems so low to me from where I am and I am in a normal range.
That however is my own issues coming through and not yours. Its tricky. I have been following you for a while and was reading before you were svelte and trim so I know how much work you have put in. But it occurred to me that the only reason I would be jealous would be my own insecurities. So I saw your post now as an eye opener at my own issues. So thank you for that and as always I wish you the best :)

Karen said...

Great post!

MomRunningFromCancer said...

Dang - I just pressed the back button on my phone and lost my comment.
Anyway, I totally agree with the other comments. It is YOUR blog - sometimes some of the things we write will hit people the wrong way - heck, sometimes some of the things we write hit US the wrong way and we end up erasing the post. In either case it is OK. I don't really think that most of us started blogging to increase our followers. It simply came with the territory. Don't get me wrong, I love the loyal list of commentors on my blog. I enjoy reading their ideas and follow their blogs - but I do this for my own reasons.
When I first read your post about being upset with your body fat % of 15 - I thought you were crazy. I thought you had crossed over to the "other side" where nothing is good enough. Then I realized, like Angie Bee, fellow commentor above, that it was really MY issue. You, afterall, had been working REALLY hard on losing weight and getting in GREAT shape. I hadn't made that commitment - so I should be happy with my 23% (or there about) OR make the same commitment and get in better shape.
Thanks for the honesty. Keep up the HARD work - it has really paid off.
Peace

Janet said...

Sorry for the tough love, but what are twin sisters for, but you were insane. After just getting a physical on Monday and weighing the same exact as you were the day you were weighed for the Biggest Loser DC(almost 2 yrs ago)...I look at where you are now and find Hope.. not HOPE to be 15% BF.. but hope that I can get healthy and lose weight with effort. Thats the biggest part about your blog that I miss. I was there from the beginning. Your struggles of keeping up at the workouts and happily accepting your old work out clothes as you got fitter and they were too big...although they are still too small for me. Your first 5k...10k marathon since losing weight....I think you have gotten obsessed with it all which can be good, but not when your not happy with over 75 lb weight loss and are complaining about below average body fat %. For those of us that still have so far to go.. its hard to get inspiration from that kind of post. But on the other side.. you do keep it real, so you speaking that truth and then also what revelation you got afterward can help someone else out there who is also temporarily insane. I almost stopped following you but I wanted to see how you did on your first Tri....(just kidding of course)

Cynthia said...

I appreciate all your post and even more so the real feelings, real insecurities, real life issues posts. Thank you for your honesty. I heart your blog!

H Love said...

you are lucky to have such an amazing sister! still love you just want you to love YOU!!

I shared a bit from a sermon on my blog and there was a great quote from C.S. Lewis shared...
"You don't "have" a soul, you are your soul. You are not your body, you have a body. Food for thought! Hang in there!! You are amazing!

MomRunningFromCancer said...

Take a break - I just tagged you with the Stylish Blogger Award.

Check it out here: http://momrunningfromcancer.blogspot.com/2011/01/stylish-blogger-award.html