What is holding me back?

I think this is one of the hardest decisions I have had to make.

Okay, not really, but I after thinking about it and over analyzing it and contemplating it again, I think it is really FEAR that is holding me back from actually buying a bike.

Now it is December. My goal was to buy a bike in November, be trying to ride it before it got too cold and even look at getting a trainer so I could ride the bike inside. And... well, I while I have test rode 4 different bikes, I am still bikeless. Honestly, I do not even own a helmet.

WHY am I so afraid?

Is it because it costs so much? You would think that would be a major set back, right? Honestly, it isn't. First, I am NOT afraid to spend money... actually, I enjoy it quite a bit. Second, I have saved up for this expense. I have been talking about my 2011 goal since last March. Maybe halfheartedly, but still I have been saying that I wanted to compete in a Triathlon and well, to do that, you HAVE to ride a bike.  Third, my husband is okay with me spending the money that I have saved up for this. He is not negatively affecting this purchase.

Is it because I am afraid to ride a bike?  At first, I thought this was going to be my major hang up. I haven't been on a bike, seriously, since before college. If I think back, it might put me somewhere between 9th and 10th grade and that might have only been up to the local store with my sister a mile from our house to buy something like candy. Once I got a car, well, we used that. I did ride a bike quite a bit before that... and every vacation, my father would strap 6 bikes to the back of the trailer and off we went.  A couple of weeks ago when I test rode the Trek and Felt, I was AMAZED at how easy it felt and how invigorating it actually was to ride the bike - fast, even with cars zooming by. It felt like so much fun that I REALLY, really want to do it again.

Is it the fear of competing in a Triathlon? I began running by registering for a race. I picked one and signed up and knew that I was going to get to the start line. After that one, I picked 3 more until I was able to register for MCM. I have looked a little at local Sprint Triathlons  - shoot I even briefly debated about whether I could do a 1/2 Ironman in 2011. According to TriGuy there are plenty of local, low key sprint and olympic triathlons so I wouldn't even have to travel far. For running I joined the Montgomery County Road Runners Club and I am sure there are local Tri clubs too... but I haven't even look into them. I like support. I found support in the local running club until Bob and I met that faithful morning. TriGuy has lots of advice and experience that has so far proven to be just what I need.

Is it that I will be cheating on Bob? I have to admit some of my mind games have been circling this idea. Bob has given me so much support since last May. Our partnership has reached star status if I can say that. We are like two peas in a pod. But I know Bob wants me to reach my goals. He even commented about how fast I am getting and that by fall of 2011 I will be running 8 min pace (I TOTALLY disagree with him here). He is still going to want to run with me, even if I cannot give him as much time as I did before. And I still want to get him across the finish line of his first marathon.

Bottom line: I think I am afraid of how it is going to affect my running. I have turned to running as my escape. It has given me such pleasure over this past year. Yes, there were days that I secretly cursed my Marathon Training Plan, but I still put my shoes on and ran. Even when I was getting up at 4am to get a run in before my husband left for work, I was having fun.

January will mark my 1 year anniversary of getting back into running and look how far I have come with grace.  Weighing about 155, I got a new pair of running shoes and trudged out into the cold and started to run. At first, 10:30 miles were AWESOME to me. Now, I love seeing it below 8:30 when I am running under 6 miles. I mean, I ran 15 miles last Saturday with a pace of 9:07 - REALLY?!?!?! I finished the Marine Corps Marathon when back in January, I could barely run more than 6 miles at a time. And now at 125lbs (lately it has teetering around 123), I am in the best shape of my life.

I briefly wrote yesterday that Christmas time for me is like a rebirth. I think instead of mentally shutting down the idea of feeling like there is NO WAY I can compete in a Tri, I need to get on the saddle and go. I need to get a bike. I need to be in some spinning classes. I need do drills on a stationary bike if the weather stinks. I CAN do this. I WANT to do this. I can be reborn into an athelete, not just a runner.

As I am working on my issues (btw: I have no fear of the swimming part), WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK from your goal? What are you going to do to get you across that finish line?

Maybe your goal is to lose weight. Maybe it is to run a 5k, 10k, 1/2 marathon or maybe you are thinking, "I could never run a marathon!" Well, let me tell you: YOU CAN! Will power is an amazing thing. Set your mind to something and go ALL out. Sometimes on the job training is the best way to learn.

Join me as I reach my goal by reaching your goal and be sure to blog and tell me all about it.

I CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN DO IT. WE CAN DO IT!