John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." NIV

Sunday, April 18, 2010

My Bleeding Heart....

All of my friends would agree that I am extremely organized, very scheduled and never late. But I have been having trouble lately.

I have loads of laundry waiting to be washed, some waiting to be put away, a dirty house, and I have neglected children and husband. Dinner has NOT been ready at 5pm as it has for the last 8.5 years of my marriage. In fact, I have not even been cooking it - simply reheating leftovers or worse - leaving it to my husband to scrounge around looking for something to cook for himself as I head out the door.

What has changed? Only one thing… and this one thing is not that big. But it has been making a HUGE impact on my life.

I am what they classify as an over achiever and I love being involved. I maintain my son’s preschool website, my daughter’s school’s PTA website and send out a weekly email newsletter for the PTA every Sunday morning. I am a member of The Bloody Orators Toastmaster’s club; serve on the preschool board, PTA board, a committee about church growth for my church.

I work part time as a Youth Minister. I watch Baby A and her sister from 8am until 9am, and continue to watch Baby A until 12:30, Monday through Thursday.

Now that the Healthy Challenge has started, I have volunteered myself as the Contestant Liaison which means I field questions and concerns between the organizers and the contestants. I also volunteered myself to get some sponsors: Potomac River Running Store (donated $100 vouchers for each contestant to get running shoes & they gave them a free Running 101 training voucher), asked Jeremy’s Run to allow us to use their race as a competition, and started the talks with L’Academie de Cuisine to host the Cooking Challenge. It is my pleasure to be a part of the competition. I WANT to be a part of the competition. It is so much fun to be a part of people changing their lives and REDUCING their weight.

The thing that has changed is the addition of my third part time job. I am so excited to have this job. I think there may be some future in this job, but it has put me over the edge. I usually work it after I watch Baby A. Either I bring Brock, my 5.5 year old son with me (note: he is so well behaved - he actually let me work from 9am to 12:30 one day and all he wanted to do was shred if we needed it) or I leave him with a friend who watches him (he thinks it is a play date) and I work. Our casual Fridays (Brock does not go to preschool on Fridays) of playdates and leisure are now filled with me working in the morning. Eventually, this job will allow me to work form home 95% of the time. Eventually, I will not have 3 jobs.

But right now, I am overwhelmed. I admit it. It is hard to admit this but the laundry piles and filth in my house admit it too. And for the last couple of days, I have been very temperamental and quick to loose my patience. Everyone suffers when this happens.

Is it because I am overwhelmed? Is it because I am volunteering too much of my time away? Honestly, I think it is because I haven't made time to run. My mileage for March was 105 miles (and some of those days we had snow or it was just too cold). I think for April I am only at 85. Yes, I have another week left, but I do not see where I am going to find time this week to run. I am just TOO busy!

Running has become my sanctuary. I talked to God. I listen for God. I enjoy thinking about tasks at hand or just running - not thinking of anything. My heart feels like it is bleeding because I have not been able to run.

I suffered some minor setbacks with my Achilles tendon, but it seems fine now. I feel like I haven't gotten a great run since my 11.8 miles before the cruise. Okay, okay... I did get a PR running a 5k in my neighborhood... but that was just one day. I want to get back out there. I need to get back out there. My family needs me to get back out there.

The positives are:
  1. My marathon training does not official begin until June as Marine Corps is not until October 31st.
  2. Eventually, I will not have 3 part time jobs.
  3. The Healthy Challenge is only 12 weeks and while I am making awesome friends along the way, my self-inflicted committment won't be too much.
  4. I will not be maintaining my son preschool's website too much longer as this is his last year.
  5. My PTA commitment will settle as the summer is approaching.
But I want to run now. I need to make staying in shape a priority. I know I am not the only one with these trails, issues, or problems. So:
What do you do to get your run in?


Amanda said...

Sometimes I have to make a commitment to another person to run. If I schedule a run date with my run buddy then I know another person is counting on me to show up. It makes it more fun too :)

Ewa said...

Now I am sidelined with Achilles tendon injury (and yes, my family is suffering because of this) but on my healthy days I've been known to run at 4:30 or 5am. My son is homeschooled but he takes college classes so I try run when he is in class. I just squeeze my exercise wherever I can.
I am beginning to think though that I ought to make a special time for my runs, have them on the calendar as any other important engagement. It is just too easy to put myself on the bottom of the list of 'will take care of later'.


I don't think I have nearly as much as you going on, but I get the runs in in large part due to my treadmill. Then I can run whenever I have the time. Could you break your runs up into smaller increments?

Barefoot AngieB said...

That is a hard one. My life is very unconventional so I have much time but the kicker for me is that I am terrible at structuring my time.

I think that there is enough time if you look for it. Keep your sports bra on and wear your workout clothes and just break the miles up. Think in terms of miles per day instead of all at one time. Running skirts are cute to wear any time.
My hubby was out of town for just shy of 3 weeks and I was alone with my 4 boys. I finally realized that I have time I just have to take my chance when I get it. Getting my running clothes on takes 5 or so minutes. I plan ahead to grab those precious minutes to run.
Its great that you see the light at the end of the tunnel and know it wont be that way forever!

teacherwoman said...

Sometimes you just got to set everything else asside to get that run in. It's hard, and I can only imagine how hard it is as a mother and wife. Running is most definitely my feel good go-to thing. :)

momof3 said...

I schedule my day around my run. I'm not going to lie, that is sometimes a issue with my social calendar and my sleep calendar. The only way I can use the morning to run is if I make up the lost time in the evenings. We eat a lot of leftovers here.
Barefoot Angie makes a strong point - always be prepared to run. Then you can sneak in 2 miles here or there, and at least feel like you're getting the stress off. I almost always have a skirt, bra and shoes in the car. It's crazy and makes for a messy car, but it just is what it is... You'll be OK, things will fall into place.